Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
