I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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