Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
