I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
