How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
is that a dick in a sweater?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
