I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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