Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
