So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
