what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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