At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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