Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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