They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
