remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
