if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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