it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
