Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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