all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
