Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
