wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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