me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize