At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
