Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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