Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
