Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
