did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
