So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
