I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
