I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
