listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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