Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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