the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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