i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
