I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
