his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
