Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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