Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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