There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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