I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
