Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
