So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
