I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
