You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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