No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
