"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
