I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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