I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
