I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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