Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
