i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
