also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
