If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize