I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
