You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
