You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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