I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
