mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
