Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
