We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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