I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
