I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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