tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
operation have a gay friend backfired
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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