I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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