Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
