it hurts more in the daytime
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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