Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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