We're facebook friends in real life
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
