It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
