your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
