i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
