Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
