from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
