Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
